The below post was written in 2009, when I was in India. Before pregnancy and childbirth and raising a child certainly! So the way I spend my time has changed, but the sentiments in the post still merit continual reflection as I continue to work to balance the aspects of my life.
Domesticity
Once I decided that I should stay close to home today, I realized that I actually have quite a few domestic chores to do, in addition to work that I should complete toward my future. Although in my last posting about my roommates I expressed some annoyance regarding the percentage of time devoted to domestic tasks that should take a lot less time, I must admit that I do respect the practical wisdom and the attention to things of the body, shown in particular by one of the women and one of the men with whom I live.
Anyone who has lived in close proximity to me, or just knows me well enough, will not find it surprising at all that “domesticity” is really not my thing. By domesticity, I mean specifically the discipline to spend hours every day On domestic tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and even the upkeep of my physical self. Each of these things I enjoy at different times to different extents. I can spend an entire day cooking or an entire day cleaning for an entire day giving myself a facial or pedicure or some such thing… but more often than not, I feel too “busy” to spend much time on such things. Too busy working or reading or studying or writing or traveling or exploring my own surroundings, or out with my friends. Or of course, painting or photographing or editing photographs. My mother as well as most people I know would probably suggest that I sacrifice the practical for the impractical. I can see the truth in that.
When I think about it, however, it is usually in terms of the irony that women are always supposed to be so much more concerned with things of the body and men with things of the mind. I know that I am very feminine in my emotions, and in many other ways as well. I also know that in our culture is a lot more leeway to define how gender interacts with the ways we live our lives… but I am sure that my roommates here think that I am just the craziest person!
Rather than reflecting on myself for the most part, though, through my begrudging admiration of the less attractive, but far more efficient, woman, I realized that I do have a strong desire to at least fulfill my domestic responsibilities more completely, more deliberately and with greater passion. My mother has a lot of energy, like I do, but was raised in the country. I have always admired that she knows (as this woman who lives with me now does) how to make something out of nothing - be it plants in the garden or wonderful simple meals out of disparate ingredients. I am trying to linger around in the kitchen sometimes while Reeta is cooking, to try to take in some of her tricks - it would be a lot easier if we could communicate, of course!
In addition to cooking, as I have mentioned, the other daily activity that requires quite a bit of effort is the washing of clothes. Both the men and women wash their clothes every single day. They are staying for a month, but brought only the tiniest of suitcases. They remove their clothing in the shower and put it into the basin in the bathroom. There are these tiny packets of Tide, which I assume were made specifically for this purpose. Reeta scrubs the floor, and then uses the floor to scrub her clothes. This takes about half an hour and a whole heck of a lot of water. Once washed, the clothes are hung out to dry overnight, and the next day. Morning is a two-hour saga of cooking, ironing, more washing, the preparing and drinking of tea…
While I do not ever see myself relishing a daily cycle that involves four hours worth of domestic tasks, I know that so much of the coziness, security and order that I experienced growing up, came from my parents’ attention to these types of details. I think that once we have children in particular, I will do what it takes to corral my whimsical spirit and be a proper mother.
So, today the major tasks on my agenda are/were as follows. My completion of these tasks is greatly aided by the fact that it is raining, thus making it much easier to resist the lure of adventure waiting outdoors:
1.) To disinfect my toothbrush and mouth guard by washing them in boiling water - because it is hard to get them really clean without the running water of the tap, which I of course cannot use to brush my teeth;
2.) To do my laundry by the laborious hand washing method;
3.) To iron the clothing that I washed last week;
4.) To re-impose order on my belongings, confined as they are to one corner and a tiny cabinet;
5.) To sweep the floor in my part of the room; and
6.) To do the mountain of dishes that has accumulated for our entire community - it is the least I can do, given their generosity with food!
